Tuesday, November 25, 2008

So, I am back. Her birthday is over and it was a huge, and I do mean HUGE success. The days leading up to it, I was teary and sad and happy and overwhelmed. But the day of her birthday and the day of her party I was happy. The end of her party, my mom hugged me and said she was sorry I didn't get to do this for Curtis was the only time I cried that day.

I know some people probably think I went "all out" for her party because of losing Curtis. Which isn't true. I went all out, because that is what I do. I love this kind of stuff. I loved celebrating her birthday. It is such a big deal. It was her first one! I know she won't remember, but pictures will tell her the story, and I will remember. I did it because it was fun for me.

(And all out really isn't that much. Cute, printed invitations, a rented party room -which was only $15 an hour so not expensive- some cute napkins to match her theme, some balloons, pizzas and cupcakes... but to some people this is "all out.")

Sadly, my poor sis-in-law got a phone call during the party that her mom had passed out suddenly and to come quick. She left without a scene and I had no idea that she and my brother in law were even gone until much later. My aches for her, as she lost her mom unexpectedly that day. And I am honored she is my family because she didn't want to cause a scene and trump our long awaited party.

There is a little girl from Minnesota who suffered a traumtic accident in a pool. I won't go into the details, but she fought, hard, for her life and passed away about 9 months later. Her parents have 3 other little girls. I saw an interview with them recently and they said "We will never say we have 3 girls. We have 4. One is just waiting for us." I loved that this was broadcast. I loved that they said this. So often people get uncomfortable when they ask how many kids I have and I say 2. One who passed away who would be two and a half and a daughter who is one. I do not say it to make them uncomfortable. I say it because it makes me comfortable. I cannot live with myself if I do not acknowledge all of my children.

I know I am jumping trains of thought...but I do have a point. By mentioning Curtis the day of her birthday party, my mom with her simple comment included my son. My sister in law, with her quiet leaving of the party let us shine for a moment. That is all I could have asked for that day, our daughter to have the spotlight, and our son remembered. We have two children. Equally loved.


Kristi said...

This is so lovely. Even the heartache expressed still has a beauty about it that shines through. What a precious gift your sister-in-law gave you at a time when she was losing so much!!

I can't imagine ANYone not including a child they've lost in a "head count" and I would expect to hear that answer. Just because they aren't here physically doesn't discount their existence in your lives and hearts... SOULS!!!

I hope this doesn't sound horrible because this question is asked out of sincere curiosity... On her first b-day, did you feel like you could finally take a deep breath? I felt that way after losing so many babies through miscarriages. I've been pregnant 7 times and only have two to show for it but even those two had to be saved by circlage (sewing the servix shut) because I was in the process of miscarraiges with them. It wasn't when they were born that I felt it... it was always one the milestones... 1yr, 13rs, 16yrs, 18yrs and now I've got 21. Of course, today I'm back to holding my breath where he's concerned!

Kristi said...

sorry... entered wrong url