On Craig's side of the family there is this weird "gap" that I can't shake every time everyone is together.
One of Craig's brothers has 2 girls, very close in age. They are 8 and 7.
The next child, from another brother is a boy, who is 3.
Then there is our daughter, and another baby, a girl, 9 months younger than her.
Can you see it? Can you see that gap? 2 girls, close in age, sisters even...and playmates. Then there is our daughter, and the newest baby in the family. Bound to grow up and be playmates. Both girls, only 9 months apart.
But, look. Look at the lone boy there. Right in the middle. Age 3. No boys to play with. No one similar in age. But there should be. Curtis should be smack dab in the middle with him. It just makes me sick every time we are together and he is chasing after the older girls, trying to get them to play. Or trying to play with our daughter, who is much too young to be anything but confused by his approaches.
When we announced we were pregnant with Curtis, my mother in law went on and on how wonderful it would be for the two of them to have each other.
That, obviously, didn't happen.
When my sister in law got pregnant with her daughter, my mother in law went on and on about how wonderful it would be for the two girls to have each other.
That did happen.
But that gap, it makes me ache.
On my side, we don't have that gap. My brother has 4 kids, and the youngest would have been about 2 years older than Curtis. So they would have been close and would have played together I am sure... But there isn't that obvious gender and age segregation.
Times like this, where family gatherings happen quite often (heck, on Craig's side they happen a ton normally) it is just hard. It is hard to listen to people say how great it is our daughter has a cousin so close in age. It is hard to watch my nephew play by himself. It is hard not to picture a little blond boy toddling behind him...
It is hard not to be angry and bitter. And angry some more.
I am in an angry place today.