Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The good. The bad. The daily life.

I know I don't get here to blog much....I do post more (a bit) on my other blog: but....even though it has been 6 years and 4 months, there isn't a day where I don't have something happen to make me wonder. Make me think. Make me cry. Make me smile.

We took the kids to Disneyland a few weeks ago. It was a dream of mine. I had never been to any Disney location and never really had any desire...until I had children. Then I couldn't wait until they were old enough. Claudia is almost 5, Cole almost 3. Numerous people told me they were the perfect ages, so off we went.

But a trip like that isn't without the "what would Curtis like to do at Disney?" thoughts. Would this have been his first trip or would we have gone when he was 4? I truly enjoyed the trip, but he is never, ever far from my heart. I wore a necklace that is just his (I have a mom's necklace with all 3 stones) just to keep him "there" while we were on the trip.

Each pumpkin patch trip, each holiday, each school start day... what/should/could it all be like.

Today, I was in an early childhood class with Cole. A grandmother was there with her granddaughter and I overheard her say "Oh, I am visiting my new grandson. We live far away so this is the first time I have seen him and he was born  May 31st".

I wanted to run over to her and say "MY son was born May 31st! My son. That is his day. He died though." But, I can't. I don't. Because many babies are born on that day, there is just something about May 31st that almost seems poetic to me. I have thought so much about that day and it means so much to me each year, is just seems so odd that others don't think of the day that sacred.

Our annual walk went really well, we raised over $2200, on the 6 years we have raised funds (this was our 7th year walking) we have raised a total of $11,998. 2 shy of 12K! I am so touched by our family and friends who donate year after year. I hear of so many people who don't have support and I know we do. I  know we are lucky.
(Coley thought he was really funny hding behind Curtis' sign)

My sweet girl...they had face painting and she asked for them to write Curtis' name. Her own idea. It is my grief and I know she doesn't understand the loss, but she knows Curtis is important to me and therefore she does stuff like this. 

Our lucky are we?