Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The good. The bad. The daily life.

I know I don't get here to blog much....I do post more (a bit) on my other blog: but....even though it has been 6 years and 4 months, there isn't a day where I don't have something happen to make me wonder. Make me think. Make me cry. Make me smile.

We took the kids to Disneyland a few weeks ago. It was a dream of mine. I had never been to any Disney location and never really had any desire...until I had children. Then I couldn't wait until they were old enough. Claudia is almost 5, Cole almost 3. Numerous people told me they were the perfect ages, so off we went.

But a trip like that isn't without the "what would Curtis like to do at Disney?" thoughts. Would this have been his first trip or would we have gone when he was 4? I truly enjoyed the trip, but he is never, ever far from my heart. I wore a necklace that is just his (I have a mom's necklace with all 3 stones) just to keep him "there" while we were on the trip.

Each pumpkin patch trip, each holiday, each school start day... what/should/could it all be like.

Today, I was in an early childhood class with Cole. A grandmother was there with her granddaughter and I overheard her say "Oh, I am visiting my new grandson. We live far away so this is the first time I have seen him and he was born  May 31st".

I wanted to run over to her and say "MY son was born May 31st! My son. That is his day. He died though." But, I can't. I don't. Because many babies are born on that day, there is just something about May 31st that almost seems poetic to me. I have thought so much about that day and it means so much to me each year, is just seems so odd that others don't think of the day that sacred.

Our annual walk went really well, we raised over $2200, on the 6 years we have raised funds (this was our 7th year walking) we have raised a total of $11,998. 2 shy of 12K! I am so touched by our family and friends who donate year after year. I hear of so many people who don't have support and I know we do. I  know we are lucky.
(Coley thought he was really funny hding behind Curtis' sign)

My sweet girl...they had face painting and she asked for them to write Curtis' name. Her own idea. It is my grief and I know she doesn't understand the loss, but she knows Curtis is important to me and therefore she does stuff like this. 

Our lucky are we?


Dad to Triplets said...

I enjoy reading your posts, Claudia. You have a way of putting into words many of the thoughts and feelings I often have.
Thank you!

Diamond in the Rough said...

I have just stumbled across your blog. You are amazing. We too have an angel baby boy too, Ammon Paul. I was reading over your story and I want to say that I am so sorry that your baby was wrapped in an ugly blue blanket. My husband and I decided last January to start a project in honor of our baby boy; Operation Blanket Drop. We make handmade beautiful blankets for still born and fetal demise babies. I have heard so many women in the past 7 years since our baby that talk about ugly blankets, no blankets or old hospital blankets that their babies were wrapped in. We are very particular about the blankets that we donate. Most of the women who make these blankets have lost babies as well. I am amazed at how beautiful these blankets are. Our blog is Best of luck to you and thank you for writing about your experiences I know they help others. Sharing is all part of healing and helping others to heal as well. Thank you.
--Joleen Haag

jokesfb said...

lovely Family , God bless all of you

loribeth said...

So wonderful that you & your family continue to walk in Curtis's memory & raise so much money! : )

Mary said...

I am sorry to read we share the same pain. It has only been ten months for me. I haven't been able to enjoy any of the holidays so far. I keep thinking about how big my Ian would be and what he'd be doing if he hadn't been born still at 39 weeks gestation. I hope you are well. Sending you lots of love from another grieving mother.


Tiffany J Queener said...

I hate that you are 2 bucks short of $12k. Where can I send it in?!?!

Also, I really enjoy reading. You really do have a wonderful way with words. I even have you on my blogroll!


Anonymous said...

I am 14. When I was 4( I would be 5 on may 12) on April 18 2004, my mom gave birth to Ethan Noah Minnick. He was born sleeping, full term. The cord was wrappe around his neck 3 times. Then the following year on February 22, 2005, Kaleb Anthony was born... Sleeping. They did an autopsy but could not figure out what caused him to die. They were both my brothers. Even though I was only 4&5 I understood everything. And I to to hold them and everything. Then the year after that on July 14, 2006 my mom gave birth to my little brother Kaiden Elijah. He lived but he was induced early just to be safe, and the ord ended up being around his neck 2 times. His first names starts with a k for Kaleb and his middle name starts with an E for Ethan. I was then blessed with my little sister named Gabriella ( Ella) on October 20, 2010. Last year we went to Disney world for her 3rd birthday and I thought a lot about the oys and wondering what would be different if they were here. I miss them so much but I just always have to remember that they got the great end of the deal( heaven)