I have been having a hard time lately.
Well, that is probably a given. Why wouldn't I have a hard time? Every moment of everyday is suppose to be different. I am suppose to have a living child. I am suppose to be getting him ready for bed. I am suppose to be angry my husband is out at a baseball game and I am here, stuck with a fussy baby. He probably should have rolled over for the first time. He would be smiling. He would fit into that blue dinosaur sweartshirt and matching pant outfit that I fell in love with and had to buy. My husband and I may be stressed out. We may not be getting along. Maybe the baby would have had colic. Maybe it would be tough.
It was suppose to be different.
This past weekend marked the one year anniversary since I got the double pink lines saying I was pregnant.
When I showed it to my husband, he high fived me. How cute is that? He was so excited and I was so terrified.
Very much like the day before we found out we lost our son. My husband was telling me how excited he was 'to get the show on the road' and meet our son.
But I was terrified. I was scared of the huge change our lives were headed. I told him he could stay in a few more days.
I am so sorry, my special baby, I was excited to meet you. I really was.
Maybe I was terrified that it would be all over before it really started.