Bitter. Sweet. Sweet. Bitter.....
Today is one of those days. With the start of the new school year for 2011-2012(for public schools in Minnesota, it is the day after Labor day) comes a whole new level of mixed emotions. Curtis would be starting kindergarten this year. Likely, he would have a year or two of preschool under his belt so this would be the whole formalility of going 5 days a week, possibly riding the bus. Going to the "big" school with the older kids. Maybe he would be in all day kindergarten and eat at school. There would be recess and field trips. Parent/teacher conferences. His first year in 12 years. I think we can all agree kindergarten is a big deal.
Now, with the start of each new school year, I will be thinking to myself "Curtis should be starting (whatever grade)." When will that end? Graduating high school? Graduating college? Claudia will be two grade years behind him so I know I will always have some sort of reference point.
Now, comes the sweet. Claudia will be attending preschool this fall. Two afternoons a week, for a few hours. She is going to love it. We have recently moved and I didn't think I would be able to enroll her. Thanks to some schedule changes at my work and daycare, my schedule is going to allow me to bring her. We found a place with openings and signed her up. I know she will love it. After a few years of various early childhood classes, I know how much she enjoys being in a classroom. This summer she has come out of her shell a lot and isn't as shy as she once was. When I signed her up, I made a remark to the woman helping me "She has gotten so big, so fast!" And the woman said, sweetly, "Are you going to be okay, Mom?". Oh yeah, I replied. "I am excited for her!" And I am.
I am just sad for all that he missed. First days of school. First sport teams. First field trips. First sleepovers. First homework....all the stuff that comes with elementary school and growing up. I have quite a few friends with babies starting kindergarten this year. It is hard not to be wistful of what _should_ be.
Please consider donating to Team Curtis....we are struggling to get donations this year. There is less than two weeks to the walk. Missing GRACE continues to help our hearts and helps new, grieving families each day going through the horror of stillbirth. http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/chantel-jullie/teamcurtis2011