Wednesday, August 17, 2011

So, I got the book I referred to in my last post. It is really simple, to the point. It talks about a couple who were very happy but something was missing. That something was a baby. It talks about how they prepare for the baby, how excited they are, and how things don't go according to plan and the baby dies. There is no sugar coating of "passed away". It shows the couple crying, very sad. It goes on to say they were sad for a long time but eventually that special baby does work in their hearts to allow room for another baby.

I read the book to Claudia. The back of the book says ages 2 and up. No way would Cole understand this book in the next two months. Anyway, I know she doesn't have the concept of death or what "dead" means. So I am not sure what she fully understood. I know she understood the first part of the book where the couple was so happy. What confused her was after the baby dies in the book, the baby makes appearances as an angel looking over the mom and dad. I was trying to explain the book was about Curtis and she kept saying "look, the dead baby Curtis is back" on each page. I do think that part was a bit confusing. But, the end of the book shows the family celebrating the special baby each year and I think that may have clicked a bit with her since she still talks about the fun we had on Curtis' birthday. She has asked to read the book a few times and calls in "Curtis' book". I try to use his name and say the couple in the story is me and Craig to try to drive the point home more.

I know it will still be awhile before she understands Curtis came before her. I know this is OUR grief and not her grief so I don't expect sadness from her or Cole. I just want a bit of understanding from them. That Curtis is a part of our family, he always will be. He is no more important than them, we haven't "romanticized" him as the perfect child just because he never had the chance to live.... but that they were very very VERY much wanted. They were never a replacement for him. They would have been here even if he had lived.

For that, I am certain. All three of these precious babies were meant to be in my arms...even for a moment or a lifetime.


loribeth said...

I think a book like that is a great way to introduce your kids to a very difficult concept. I know some couples from our support group found another children's book they liked along the same lines: "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead."

Chantel said...

Loribeth: I have heard of that book and heard it is great but it is geared towards an older sibling who was aware a baby was coming. In our case, Curtis was our first and Claudia and Cole came after so this helped explain what happened before them.

EmptyArms said...

I wanted to tell you that after the loss of my baby boy Braedon, your blog was the first thing I found. I wanted to find more information about stillbirth and how a healthy woman could go full term and then lose a baby. I had no idea that something like this could happen to me. Your story has really touched my heart and I look forward to reading your posts. I started a blog as well and I am also looking into ways to promote research in this area. Thank you for writing your story. It has brought me some peace knowing that their is hope for the future that we will find a way to heal.