This time of year is rough. We are all very much experiencing spring fever. It is warming up (40 degrees!). The spring and summer stuff hit the shelves at Target. I have bought C & C spring clothes. I set out Easter decorations, but when I look out the window?
Nasty snow. Not even the pretty snow from December, but the stuff that is half melted, covered in dirt, sand, and salt. It is very much a reminder that winter is still here. March and April we tend to get snow. We are still in it for the long haul.
Close to a year ago, I found out I was pregnant with Cole.
Close to three years ago, I found out I was pregnant with Claudia.
Over four years ago, I found out I was pregnant with my first baby boy.
Five years ago, my husband and I started trying for a baby.
I think you can see how crazy the last 5 years have been for us. This time of year always brings up memories for me. My pregnancy nearing the end with Curtis. The beginning of my pregnancies with Cole and Claudia.
I look around at my little home, my cute children, and the happy place I am at....and then I glance out the window and see what I still have to deal with. I almost chose the word "overcome" but I know I will never overcome Curtis' death. Nor, do I want to. I am in a good place in my life. I am starting to focus on my needs as well as giving everything I can to my family. I am learning to balance work, family, and me time. I am enjoying where I am at. I am enjoying being done with pregnancy forever and focusing on the day to day excitement two little ones bring.
But, looking out that window, of what is left, of what is still missing in my life hurts.