Born Still but Still Born

So, I have been working on "goals" for myself. The last 2 months...heck, the last 6 months have been really difficult in getting myself back to normal. The stress and anxiety of Coley's pregnancy was overwhelming. Then, he was a pretty fussy newborn and I was still dealing with anxiety...then I went back to work and was trying to adjust to that. Then, both kids have been constantly sick, including a week stay in the hospital for Cole.

Not to mention daily life headaches, car needing new breaks, possible gas leaks (that weren't), random doctor visits, stomach flu for me....

You know, LIFE!

So, in an effort to feel more together, I have started a short term goal list as well as a long term list. Some of it is to help focus on ME and things that I enjoy. One of them is to blog 3 times a week. I have lists and lists of topics and moments I want to blog about. Everyday I think "yes, must blog about that tonight" and do I? No.

So, I am. My other goals include exercise, eating better...long term goals include spending a bit more effort on getting nice haircuts and taking care of myself in that manner. I also have some goals of things I want to do for Curtis' birthday and in his memory. Also things like taking classes with Claudia and Cole (in the future). I signed up Claudia for swimming lessons and we are taking a toddler class together on Wednesdays.

Another thing I want to mention is this website I found. I have been reading about Gratitude Journals and how they can increase a person's mood and happiness. In a world full of so much negativity (heck, look at the start of this post!) it is nice to take a few minutes to write down blessings in life. From the nonsense, like my Wii Fit to the more serious, a wonderful mom who babysits my kids...it is a time to focus on GOOD. Here is a "how to" about gratitude journals:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2088881_keep-gratitude-journal.html

Well, quite frankly, I wasn't going to go to that extreme of some of the points listed. A friend pointed me to this online gratitude journal: http://www.gratitudelog.com

It is sort of like Facebook and Twitter in a way. I take a few moments each day and jot down something I am grateful for...I really am enjoying it.

So, that is where I am. I am going to be blogging 3 times a week. I am going to write about all the topics swirling in my head about Curtis and my family.

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Here is a story I wanted to share. For Christmas, I asked for a necklace hand stamped with all three of my children's names on it. It has their 3 birthstones and I just adore it. Claudia has been looking at it a lot lately. I have been telling her "Curtis, Claudia, and Cole. My three babies." Lately, when she is looking at it and touching it she has been saying "Curtis, Claudia, and Cole." The way she says Curtis is soooo cute. I just love hearing his name come out of her mouth. I know she doesn't "know" what it means. She is only 2. But I just feel the more she hears his name and knows he is a part of our lives even though he isn't physically with us, the better. I never want it to be a surprise to her that she has an older brother and we truly feel his spirit in our lives.

(Of course, now she thinks any necklace or bracelet is called "Curtis, Claudia, and Cole. But that is besides the point! ;) )