Saturday, August 14, 2010

I am here :) I wanted to post a link to my fundraising page for Curtis.... Team Curtis 2010 is such an important time in my life. The walk is something I look forward to all year. Last hear I was in my final month of being pregnant with Cole and I just couldn't fully enjoy the walk. This year I am so looking forward to bringing Curtis' siblings to the walk and remembering my baby boy. If you can please donate...even the smallest amount makes a world if difference. The money goes to prevention of stillbirth and pregnancy and loss support. Missing GRACE does amazing things. It was started in memory of lovely baby named Grace, who was born still at 32 weeks. Her parents have taken her name and created her legacy.
See more about Curtis, my family, Missing GRACE and The Pregnancy Institute:

I have had a few questions/comments in my comments/emails lately about recent posts and I wanted to address them here:

I had a question about my co-workers friend's baby who had decreased movement:

The baby was born without complication as far as I know. When she went in for decreased movement there were heart decels and they did an immediate c/s and the baby was born fine. Early, but fine. The cord issue was severe but it doesn't look like there has been any lasting damage.

I had lots of comments about my coworker who I told about kick counts, his wife is pregnant right now and we discussed, at length, kick counts.

He recently came to me and said "Just wanted to let you know, since our conversation my wife has been really vigilant with her kick counts. I hear her every night. She has an application on her phone (YAY technology) and it is going well. She knows his pattern and says it was cool figuring that out each night."

Needless to say I was THRILLED to hear that. Kick counts aren't just to make sure the baby is moving, it is about tracking PATTERNS.

Just wanted to throw those little updates out there!

I have a lot of friends and family due in the next few weeks. 3 of them recently had their babies and about 3 more I am waiting for.... I get nervous for those people. I do. I remember being at that finish line. I much prefer once their babies are here safely. I hate the worry I feel for them...and even more I hate the jealousy I feel when I see their smiling pictures after the baby is born. I am THRILLED for them, but I am always sad for myself. Yes, I have had 2 babies since losing Curtis and have gotten to experience the happy birth experience. But my birth experience is different. I knew the flip side and because of that my world is colored different. I do not want them to experience that at all.

But I always wonder what it feels like to be them. To not have had sadness surrounding a birth. To just know everyone's pure joy and excitement... to just know the baby will come home with you. It is weird to me that I have brought home two children, and yet, other people's births make me jealous.

1 comment:

Hope's Mama said...

I was going to email you myself, as I'd been wondering about these things, and wondering about you!
Good to get the updates on all fronts, and I hear you on the jealousy. Totally.
On some level, I'm sure it will never fully go away. For me, I think baby girls and babies born in August will also always sting a little bit more.