Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Curtis' birthday came and went fairly quietly. This was our 3rd year that we went up to northern MN to celebrate and remember our son.

This year, like I said before, has hit me especially hard. Taking the time away was exactly what we needed as a family. Our tradition is now going to build-a-bear and allowing Claudia to pick a bear to make. Well, in the future she can pick. Right now, we still have to pick for her. But she reached for two and we helped her narrow it down. She was _not_ happy when we took away the non filled bear away from her to get filled up. When we handed it back to her...she took off running with it, refusing to pose. I am pretty sure she was worried we were going to take it from her again:

After build-a-bear, we stopped at the Angel of Hope statue where Curtis has 3 paver bricks in his memory. Claudia was very over tired and not interested in posing:

We laid 4 flowers on Curtis' bricks. One from myself, one from Craig, one from Claudia, and one from a future sibling of Curtis' who will hopefully be born screaming in October of this year.

I also brought 4 flowers to lay in the angel's hands. One for Curtis, one for Aaron, one for Ethan, and one for Abbey (the red one! She is a girl, after all. The boys got blue!) I met their moms through our mutual losses. Aaron was born premature and lived 33 days before passing away the same day Curtis did, May 31st 2006. His mom, Nikki, and I knew each other online while we were both pregnant with our boys. We share this sad date, but have a great bond. I met Ethan's mom online. Ethan lived for 12 days from June 2nd to June 14th, 2005. He was born full term but inexplicably stopped breathing his first day on Earth. His mom is an amazing woman. Abbey is someone I have recently become acquainted with through her mom's blog. She and Curtis were due around the same time. She was born still 6 days after her due date, June 4th, 2006.

We tried to take a picture of the 3 of us, Claudia was not interested:

We drove to our condo later that day, and luckily Claudia did well the entire trip. Sadly, the weather was miserable (back home it was warm and sunny!) It was very windy and cold. On Curtis' actual birthday there was freezing rain! Okay, Minnesota is cold, but geesh!

Sunset from our condo our first night:

We spent the days together, as a family, lounging, swimming, and taking in the local restaurants. We talked about Curtis and the should have beens and what would it be likes. We talked little about the day we lost him but more about him in general, if that makes sense. We took a gondola ride up a mountain and sat on the shores of Lake Superior and were just a family....

We decided Curtis would insist on an ice cream cake. I mean, it is his mom and dad's favorite. Surely it would be his too. We hit the local DQ and found the perfect cake. We ate plenty, enough for us and him.

(Claudia has to wear the eye patch for opthamology issues. Don't worry!)

We came home on Monday. I was lucky to receive about 4 or 5 cards in the mail from various friends and that softened the 'blow' of returning to the real world. Knowing people back home were remembering Curtis meant the world.

It was a good weekend.


Hope's Mama said...

Oh my goodness, congratulations. I think that is the first time I have read on your blog you are expecting baby number three. What wonderful news. Thanks for sharing how you spent Curtis' third birthday. He was in my heart this weekend. Wishing for happy endings for you in October and me in November.

ABCDE=Party of 5 for ME! said...

Oh wow I agree, i think this was the first i have read you're expecting number three as well! Congrats! What a great thing to hear on the recap of Curtis's third birthday! I was thinking about you all as well!


PS... i'm due in November to! ;)

Lynda said...

It means so much when others remember our angels. I'm so glad others remember your sweet Curtis. It sounds like you had a very nice family oriented birthday for Curtis. That was a beautiful sunset, I'm sure that was your sons special touch, just for you. Happy 3rd angel birthday Curtis. <3

Rachel said...

Glad you had a good weekend despite the cold weather. It struck me how you said that you guys spent a lot of time talking about Curtis and his birth. I think it's so great that you're able to do this.

That is really hard for me still. It was such a traumatic event, that talking about it doesn't bring much peace only heartache. I long for a time when we can just talk without so much pain and so many tears.

Do you think this year and this May especially b/c of the stage Claudia is at and with the new baby? Claudia and Curtis would've been such good playmates, I'm sure and now with the new baby coming, Claudia will have a sibling and you're missing what she would've had with Curtis. Just kind of trying to feel out the way myself, I don't want to assume anything about you guys. I guess it never really gets easier, it just changes over time.

Sarah said...

I want to thank you for thinking of Abbey. It really means a lot to me. We are finding that this year has been more difficult for us as well. Interesting that you are experiencing the same.

Another baby - that is beautiful.

Jen said...


My name is Jen and I lost my son Spencer April 24th at 40 and a half weeks.
I found your blog a few weeks ago and just now finished reading all of your posts.
I just wanted to say thank you, and since I'm sorry no longer registers for me I'll simply say... I know how you feel.

I started a blog myself and have found it to be quite helpful.

I'd like to chat with you if that's ok, you can reach me via e-mail if you are ok with that.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one.


Cara said...

I didn't realize you were pregnant either. CONGRATS!!! And the family pics are just darling.

Curtis's life is so celebrated. Tradition makes it a bit more comforting.

Happy birthday little boy...for you would be one!

Donna said...

I started reading your blog yesterday and just finished reading all of it. On June 2nd my sister had a c-section to deliver her stillbirth daughter. She was 34 or 35 weeks along (I'm a horrible sister for not remembering). Last Tuesday she felt no movement and found out. Thank You for writing this blog...even though I havn't lost a baby and will never know the depth of you and my sisters pain...I feel pain, nonetheless. Reagan was beautiful and I will never forget how perfectly she fit into my arms...God Bless,

Four Wonders Mommy said...

You are a sneaky pete. Very clever in your announcement--lol. Please call me when you deliver or via FB. Otherwise I will not know you are there since I work in the NICU (and your baby won't be there!)

You guys seem to have had a picture perfect birthday weekend. Sounded so relaxing and just what the doctor ordered. Hope you are feeling well in the second trimester.

Hugs to Claudia and Craigers!

Aaron'sMommy said...

I love the pictures! So beautiful. Thanks for remembering Aaron! I really will try to get mine uploaded tonight and will send it to you. Glad you had a nice weekend!