Tuesday, May 27, 2008

So, I do this weird thing since we lost him. I often look at the obits online. If I see someone who has lost a baby I often anonymously sign the online guestbook. People did that for me after I lost him and I did appreciate them reading about our son and taking those few minutes....

But, in doing that, I often reading another announcements. I will find someone who has been preceded in death by their child. My heart sadly hurts for the grief I know they endured. But, what I don't understand is that if the child was an infant, it will state that. It will say "She was preceded in death by infant daughter..." I guess I am confused as to why it says infant. I have never seen "preceded in death by toddler son" or "young adult daughter". Does an infant make people feel better? Does it soften the blow in "others" eyes?

I can hear people "at least he wasn't older" "at least you don't have as many memories when they are just a baby".

I think stating the baby was an infant somehow dimishes the importance of that little life in the eyes of the reader. I can't say for sure, because I read the infant part and my heart hurts SO much for that parent. But, honestly, I think others glance over that. It was just a baby. Just an infant. Maybe even a stillbirth. No one realizes when you carry that child...they are your child. Not just an infant. Not just an infant son. Infant daughter.

I don't want my loss "lessened" like that.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I find it hard to believe anyone would ever think that there's any way to soften the blow of the death of a child.

The only reason I can think of for specifying "infant" is maybe thinking that some aquantiences wouldn't have known about that infant. I knew my best friend in jr high had an older brother who died. I'm honestly not sure if he was still born or shortly after. (I do know he was an infant). My point is though that I'm not sure if my Mom knew that though.

(By the way, I haven't seen that friend in 15 years and I still know the brother's name was David).