Born Still but Still Born

First Born....

I heard it again yesterday. Claudia has recently come out of her shell, big time. She chats with total strangers. Asks them if she can come to their house. Asks them to come to her house and see her room. Asks people's names. Their dog's names. Where they live. How old they are. She is so unlike me these days, it is crazy. She used to be very shy until about 6 months ago.

We were at a birthday party for a friend's little boy, she was so excited and about came unglued when she saw the bouncy house they had rented. Thanks to the unseasonably warm week we have been having, all the kids were out in full force at this party. Claudia was chatting with a mom, chewing her ear off. The mom looked at me, told me how cute she was, four going on fourteen (don't 14 year olds ignore most adults?) and said "those first borns!"

It isn't the first time I have heard her referred to a first born, and it isn't the first time I have blogged about it either. But it just hurts when people say that, when they assume it. Maybe she "acts" like a first born if you buy into those labels (I don't).

But, she is NOT my first born. Being born conjures up images of birth to me, and she was not first. She is special, she is amazing, but....Curtis is my first born. I wish I would have said "Nope! She is my second." And I would have except the woman was walking away as she said it. The woman didn't mean anything and I am not mad about that....but I don't like those words. They make me feel bad.

There has been a huge rash of stillbirths happening to friends of friends lately. I have been contacted 3 times in the last 2 weeks over full term stillbirths and my friends wanting to know what to do to help their friend. I wish I had magic words. I don't. I offer resources and tips and advice....but you must sit helplessly by and just be a constant in their life. That is one of the few things that can help. Don't disappear, don't shy away...just be there. Hug, talk about the baby, don't forget. Remember the baby. Every holiday. Every event. Those who have done that for us....there is a special place in my heart for them.