Wednesday, May 6, 2009

So, I feel like I should blog about Mother's Day.

It is this weekend...and, I realllly couldn't care less about the holiday.

In 2006, I wasn't feeling well. I was close to 38 weeks pregnant and chose to stay home while Craig went to his parents for the day. No one, except my dad, acknowledged me, as a mom to be.

The following year, I was barely pregnant with Claudia. Weird. Pregnant over both holidays, with no baby in my arms. My husband gave me a 'I Love My Son' charm and that was so touching. We were not invited to a family gathering on my side (I stumbled on it when I went to drop a present for my mom. No one would even look at me. Yeah, it hurt. Whatever the 'reasons' for it. It hurt.)

Now, Mother's Day makes me feel _blah_. That is the best way I can describe it. _Blah_. Just... empty.

Last year, I had one request for Craig. I wanted a card, from Claudia, that said "To Mommy." That was it. I didn't want a bunch of other cards about what a good mom I was and all that jazz.

It is hard to want to celebrate a day when one of your children isn't here to celebrate it with. Plain and simple.

Well, last year, I was invited to Mother's Day gatherings! I got a bunch of cards from people. What did they say? "Happy FIRST Mother's Day."

Like hell it was! Those card infuriated me to no end. This was my second Mother's Day.

Those cards were just a reminder that people don't get it. Don't get that I was pregnant for 9 months, gave birth, held my son, and then held a funeral. Because he wasn't running around, I apparently wasn't granted the title of a 'mother' until I had a child who screamed at birth.

That is why I don't like Mother's Day. It is just another reminder one of my children is dead and the world forgets how a day, like Mother's Day, is extremely painful.

Now, as our daughter gets older...and makes me handmade cards or a flower pot in preschool, that will be all I want. I don't want anyone who is not my child decreeing my status as a mother.

But, for the most part, I just want to ignore the day. Yeah, lots of negativity.


Hope's Mama said...

I would very much like to go to bed on Saturday night and wake up Monday morning. My husband is a nurse and I want him to bring me home something to make that happen! This will be my second Mother's Day. I was happily pregnant last year, and now I am again (tada, there is an announcement). A mother of two, yet no children to chase around.
But I bet you next year, if this all goes well this time and I bring home a screaming baby in November, I will get a card/s that says "Happy First Mother's Day". I want to barf just thinking about it.
Happy Mother's Day to you though, His Mom. I hope you enjoy your special day with the one child you have here, and the sweet memory of your first who tragically got away.

ABCDE=Party of 5 for ME! said...

Happy THIRD Mother's day sweetie! I'm sorry, I have Mother's Day horror stories as well, and trust me.... the only people i think that should be aknowledging my status as a mom are the little beings that call me momma! HUGS!


Aaron'sMommy said...

I am right there with you. I hate the holiday now. I have made a pact with my mom that I am allowed to ignore it until I choose otherwise. We almost always go to a baseball game that day - which we are doing on Sunday and Josh and I go out for a nice lunch before that. That's plenty for me.

Cara said...

Happy Mother's Day to you...(third,of course) You deserve the recognition of motherhood from the day you got pregnant.


Ya Chun said...

yes, another crappy holiday.

When iw as little, cards just went from kids to parents (and dad had better buy one 'from' the little ones) what is all this craziness about everyone sending cards to evryone (mom 2 mom, to aunt, to expecting mom?) $$$$$

I had to buy one for my mom today, and i picked fast, let's just say

mrs. mari said...

i have my own mother's day horror stories and family members. i agree with you that happy mom's day should only be expressed by my children.

enjoy your day with your husband, precious claudia, and sweet memories of your precious curtis.

they are all 3 blessed to have you.